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Yeah, we know you don’t really give a shit and we actually don’t give a shit what you’re up to either — but if you don’t join in on the back and forth and send us a picture of the man you saw wearing socks with sandals on the tube in November, you’ll see our wrath.

It will be a rare and triumphant moment when she tells you that she loves you or says something remotely nice to you at all.

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And no, we don’t want to meet you at Willesden Junction.

But a look on her face that will tell you when you’ve really ballsed up. She’ll never call it ‘the cinema’ South London girls call it ‘the pictures’ 16.

She spent years at school having to shout over rude boys to get heard so she’s got some lungs on her. She’ll be fiesty She’s also spent a fair amount of years dating rude boys so she’s got a bit of fire in her in her belly from years of dealing with them. She’ll be very attracted to the Danny Dyers of this world Basically, if you haven’t got the slight air of ‘geezer’ about you, there’s a high chance she won’t be that interested. She’ll never turn her nose up if you want to flop around the house in jogging bottoms. And her ‘at home’ jogging bottom collection will be bigger than yours. She’ll never call it ‘at home’ South London girls call it ‘indoors’ 15.

The rest of the time you’re going to be called an arsehole, dickhead, twat and if you’re really lucky… Us Brits only show affection to dogs, horses, and our mums.

It might be exhausting to have a conversation with us because you’ll have to keep reminding yourself that every day is opposite’s day.

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