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According to The Continuum of Self Theory, compatible romantic partners tend to stay true to their uniquely opposite relationship orientation.

The same applies to the human magnet syndrome: We are attracted to and maintain relationships with individuals whose "magnetic polarity" differs and, therefore, is compatible with our own.

When two romantic hopefuls meet, whether by chance or the result of an Internet dating site's heralded selection technologies, they will instantly feel comfortable, familiar, and safe when their self-orientations match up. A self-orientation is defined as the manner in which a person distributes or takes love, respect, and caring (LRC) in relationship.

Self-orientation is divided into two categories: those who are comfortable with giving away and not receiving LRC, and those who are more comfortable taking LRC while not reciprocating.

You will likely conclude that, when self-orientations are similar, shared feelings of disappointment and frustration are experienced, especially if there are areas of conscious compatibility.

To illustrate, the smoldering sexy man with six-pack abs and the drop-dead gorgeous woman who sports a perfect set of lips and long beautiful legs just might not be a good match. Or, if entranced by lust, the lack of chemistry will surely be the bucket of cold water that tears these two apart.

Does all this mean you should stop swiping or inputting your interests on your dating profile? It means you should start thinking so you can understand the underlying basis of attraction as you try to find lasting harmony with a romantic partner.

Ross Rosenberg is a psychotherapist and trainer and the author of The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us.

I am sure the promise of the perfect match or soulmate sells more subscriptions than the uncomfortable truth: the bonding of similarly lonely and unhappy personality types--codependents and narcissists.This magnetic love connection predictably and inevitably begins like a fairy-tale, but quickly morphs into a painful "seesaw" of love and hate and hope and disappointment. The Human Magnet Syndrome Chemistry phenomenon is almost always this way.Just ask your friends, think about your own family, or analyze your own dating history.I have read through over 40 pages of archives from your blog, and I can’t find the answer to this one. He really likes me a lot and has been clear about that. –TJ Dear TJ, Thanks for the important question, and for giving me a platform to clear up some misconceptions about what I teach.And he is great: cute, smart, successful, shares my religion and interests, we both value family a lot, and he is treating me like gold. For those of you who are new to this blog, one of my pet topics is the concept that chemistry is all too often an illusion.




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